Well absolutely damn it all to hell...

I was a 24 year old nobody trying to be somebody in this world. Through an absolute act of random boredom I ended up at the old Car Talk site where I met the immortal (and slightly immoral) Raymond Thomas Hathaway.

Everybody was into politics... and I was into cars. He had an old Accord ('89 I think) that got run up into the absolute Himalayas of high miles.

I always wanted to meet Ray. We had a few great conversations over the years and we were frankly kindred souls in many ways.

Time and the daily reality tend to make you forget what is really important in your life. More conversations and a few get togethers would have definitely been a happy outcome for the two of us. However, I see by the pictures that Tom was well loved by one lady in particular and for her, I hope that she finds that the goodness he brought to this world carries forward.

All the best!

Steven Lang

From 'Spots'

Dad had always spoke about his American family across the pond with such fondness. It was you who introduced a slightly nervous and awkward 17 year old to America.

From the moment you picked Mum, Dad, me and Hannah up in the 'Sweatbox' (car) from the airport, you had us. Your charm and warmth helped settle us in with your wonderful family while your unique wit and straight-talking entertained throughout our trip as we took in the sights together and I sampled my first Philly Cheesesteak.

As with, I'd imagine, so many others I quickly formed a bond with you and felt like I'd known you my whole life - you took great pleasure in nicknaming me 'Spots' (a laugh at my expense on my pronunciation of 'Sports' in my English accent) and we kept in touch via email as I returned to America on a few occasions.

Although we drifted in the last few years, I still thought of you with admiration and held you in high regard as you battled your illness.

You truly were one of a kind. RIP Ray X

Tom Chittenden

One last thing

For the man who never could find my Facebook friend request and yet would always end up commenting on my posts, I’m going to miss the smart ass comments!

To Ray

Thank you for giving me the best half sister a girl can get. Not a day goes by that I will not be grateful to have Chelsea in my life. All those times in Dorchester where I saw the guilty license plate zoom away as you would take Chelsea to fortune cookies. Always wearing the same flannel and Jesus sandals to this day I still laugh about. Although we never had a close relationship I still will be grateful for being able to know you. I know how proud you are of Chelsea and she needs to be reminded of that everyday. As you watch over, please just show her life will get better. Hard to believe you’re no longer here. I hope you know how much this has not only affected Chelsea but me as well. Xoxo Brooke

To my Best Brother in Law in Kennett Square...

Hard to believe you are no longer here. To the man I could ask for a ride at any time of the day or night, for however long. You rose to the request too many times to recount. Weather it be a 3:00 am ride to the airport, or an all-day trip to Connecticut, you were there and never late.
May there be peace in knowing that we will be here for your amazing daughter. She is so strong largely because of the amazing role you played in her life. I’m sure as the years pass, she will continue to grow stronger and wiser.
Although it seems surreal now, your absence will be hard felt at family gatherings.
To my self-proclaimed Best BIL in Kennett Square, so sorry your journey here on earth has ended. RIP

Your best sister in Law
Robin

Take care, Ray

Claiming as a friend a man whom you had never met might seem odd to some. But over the last (nearly) twenty years I had more - far more - conversations with Ray than with any of my flesh and blood friends.

When you meet someone IRL you form an opinion based on objective criteria such as what they say, how their friends treat them, whether they look you in the eye - that sort of thing. But also we all have our prejudices, and criteria such as age, skin color, regional accent, clothes, wristwatch, make of car, voice (harsh? soft? strident?), phone (Apple or Android?) all go into that assessment, often subconsciously. On the interwebs, many of those clues are missing. Once we have LEARNED NOT TO SHOUT AT PEOPLE and activated the spell check, we live by what we say. Sure, we all have personas but they are easily overturned or we own up to what is invented and not real especially if it is not sustainable. For example, I no longer claim that I look like Tom Cruise. The sad reality is that I’m in fact too tall to be taken for Mr Cruise.

Ray was, to use an older term which is familiar to our generation but maybe not to those of a more youthful persuasion, WYSIWYG. We first met when I posted something on the old Car Talk board. My company was sending me to the Middle East for a project which would take three years or so and I wanted to know how best to preserve my car. Amid sage guidance about setting it on blocks and putting in fresh oil and filing the gas tank and disconnecting the battery, one response stood out. “Get rid of it! That car is a piece of crap!” Well, I didn’t take Ray’s advice but I did see him often on Car Talk’s Rant and Rave board, where we discussed everything but cars. Politics, music, books, politics, kids these days, jokes and politics were grist for our mills. When R&R folded, we all moved - like eight-year-old kids playing soccer - to where the action was through Smitty’s, Le Chat House and on to our current residence, The PlanB Forum.

Ray was a prolific voice on all those fora: often right, sometimes wrong, and reliably curmudgeonly as necessary. Through it all and down along the years, and despite the stories he told us about his own health issues and shortcomings and brushes with mortality, one ting was clear: the love and respect and price he had for his daughter Chelsea. Of course you miss him, Chelsea, as do I: but please be aware that there are a bunch of people you have never met and probably never will, who are rooting for you because we knew and liked your dad.

Andrew Clifton

RIP mate

Never met Ray, hardly surprising, as I lived in the UK and Australia all the time we were in contact, but we were online friends for a number of years. Very sad to hear of his passing, his thoughts and ideas will be sorely missed on the BB we shared.

The best dad

The absolute best dad I could ever ask for. He was the most selfless man and showed me what unconditional love is. He was the one who taught me everything I know. I could call him at any time of the day and night and he would always answer and make me feel better. No words will ever be able to say how great he was and how much I love and miss him. I don’t know how to do this life without him. I love you forever and always dad.