Music for Matthew 1: The Fray "How to Save a Life"

I keep trying to write this, just as I kept trying to write his eulogy.
Grief has been very hard for me to locate.
It usually comes on very late. And I don't have words. I only have music.

So here is the music that I would play for us right now:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjVQ36NhbMk

Step one, you say, We need to talk
He walks, you say, Sit down, it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through

Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all, you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence

Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

And where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed

He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

Songs for Matthew: "In The Arms of an Angel"

This is a song of hope. A prayer of sorts.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1GmxMTwUgs#t=63

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction
Or a beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting
Keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack

It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness
Oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

In Memory of My Brother

Words cannot express how I feel.
Matthew was my brother and had been from from as far back as I can remember.
He was there with us through times of celebration and seasons of joy.
He was with us in times of sorrow and stood with us through the difficulties of life.
All the countless memories we shared attest to a brother, a son and a friend who was steadfast throughout his life.
I remember snow-days off from school when snow forts were built and so much joy was reflected in his face.
I remember baseball games and building legos.
I remember road trips and great adventures through mountain wilderness and vast canyons.
I remember fishing up North at Pleasant Lake and enjoying campfires under a starry night sky.
I remember squirt-gun fights and actin figures along with all the things boys do.

My brother and I had our differences, he usually wanted to play alone or go do something by himself, but I would insist we play together. At other times when sorrow or despair had gripped my own life, my brother was there, a hand on my shoulder even when I sought solitude.

Matthew was also very sincere and would never act or pretend to be something he wasn't.
He was authentic and wasn't afraid to express himself.

I may never fully understand why his life ended so abruptly in tragedy, but I will always remember the way he lived in life and creativity.

Our lives are always more than what they seem.
There was more to Matthew's life than we may ever know.

However, God knows.

Numbers 6:24-26

The Lord bless you and keep you.
The Lord make his face shine upon you,
and be gracious to you.
The Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.

Matthew will always be missed, always be loved,
and never be forgotten.